


To Turn Lead onto Gold

by calhale



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 12:51:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/573473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calhale/pseuds/calhale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes three words are so hard to say, even a brilliant man has to use numbers to speak them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Turn Lead onto Gold

**Author's Note:**

> This was a ficlet inspired by the gif that's posted in here. I posted in on Tumblr and thought I should make it more accessible. The title comes from the theory that an equation could turn lead into gold. I think it's the kind of thing Sherlock would spend his free time pondering. I don't own Sherlock or the gif.
> 
>  

Sherlock had been writing it all about the flat for months before, well before he left John. He'd thought it was some mythical equation that would unlock the universe for Sherlock. 128square root over e980. 

One day while Sherlock was throwing a fit he had scribbled the numbers and letters onto a piece of paper and shoved it into John's hand. "You look but you do not see the things that are right in front of you. Please John, solve it." Then he had stormed off in the way he did when John flushed his cigarets down the toilet. 

John had sat there for a moment before going on line and finding the answer. Later, when he found Sherlock curled in on himself in the closet, he told Sherlock, "I figured it out Sherlock. It's 6606.481. That's the answer isn't it?"

For a moment Sherlock had looked up at him with such hope and endearment that the cold disappointment that followed was like ice sliding down into the pit of John's gut. Afterward, Sherlock had pushed him out of the door frame and sneered, "For God sakes, go find your own closet to hide in!" and then slammed the door.

John has the sneaking suspicion that Sherlock was tell him something, but his phone vibrated and when he looked down Sarah's name popped up so he became distracted.

Looking back now, after everything, John wishes he could have figured out what it all meant and once again he walked over to Sherlock's belongings and pulled out the small chalk board Sherlock kept to scribble math on. There was the equation, scrawled in Sherlock's hand, stark white on the black surface.

He'd always liked the way Sherlock wrote. The letters seemed to mimic the man in the way they were tall and willowy with loops and curves that spoke of a learned gracefulness melded with a shaking hand.The numbers still looked they had the first time, complex math that Sherlock could solve in a moment. It frustrated him because even if he solved this now, Sherlock was still gone and could not tell him if he'd gotten in right.

In anger he smeared his hand over the chalk, trying to erase this reminder of the man. He looked down at the board again, saw that the tops of the numbers and the long white line of the square root were gone. What surprised him were the words that were now written on the tablet.

I love you.

And then John understood. He realized what Sherlock had been trying to tell him in the only way he could have, because Sherlock could never say something like I love you. But he'd felt love and known what it felt like to care for another, so he'd rationalized the emotion into this equation.

"You brilliant fool." John whispered as he held back tears and held the chalk board to his chest. "You stupid brilliant fool."

Later, standing at Sherlock's grave with a stick of white chalk on his head, he looked down at where he'd written the equation on Sherlock's tomb stone. His hand writing did not flow the same as Sherlock's but the message was clear. He did not say a word this time, just turned and walked back to his car, but deep in his heart, a tendril of hope began to grow that maybe, just maybe, an equation like that could unlock John's world and bring Sherlock back to life.


End file.
